I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
Which way did they go?
A Husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "before we order could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
"She leaned over the counter and said " Burrr-gerrr-Kiiing."
What did the fish say when it swam into the cement? " dam"
HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!!